Why I lied about anxiety... anxiety combat #3

ANXIETY COMBAT #3

I'm almost 100% sure that if you suffer from anxiety or similar conditions, you have lied your way out of situations that trigger your bad feelings. I think it's something we all go through in the first stages when we don't even know the real reason ourselves.

I've suffered from anxiety for many years, but only recently have I had to accept it as permanent part of my life. My anxiety is spurred on by strange things, sometimes it's the absolutely irrational fear of being late, and other times it's more logical such as not dealing with past demons.

For years I have gone from job to job, pretending everything was fine and then finding it unfair when my employer didn't see the need for me to have time out. 

I have never declared my anxiety at a job interview, even though I've left almost every job because of it. 

I thought it was the job, or the people, the hours or the workload. Until now I never realised, it's me. This would follow me around and unless dealt with, it wasn't going to go away.

For a while I have refused medication. I have tried drugs before that just haven't worked for me and made things worse. I feel I can cope without them now, through good diet, exercise and structure.
I have now realised the absolute importance of dealing with things as they happen. Going through the right stages and adopting a coping mechanism. 

I have been to meetings with the department of work and pensions since being dismissed from my last job (because of having time off with anxiety!!), they have shown me the importance of declaring my anxiety, explaining to the right employer my situation and finding a job that will work for me too. I have reduced my hours and after working closely with them, realised its nothing to be ashamed of and that I don't need to pretend it's not there. 

I have to admit I have felt ashamed of my anxiety in the past. Felt like telling other people about it was a 'Cop out' from doing the same work and hours as them. If I was off work or I was having a hard time, I would lie to people and make up all manor of different excuses to avoid actually having to say that I was having an anxiety attack. I always lied to my mum if she asked if I wanted to go out for the day and I didn't feel like it. I would say I was busy or working overtime or had a headache.

I am so happy to now be able to say that I am honest, open and I can just say it how it is. I can embrace the life that I lead because I now make all the relevant decisions to avoid situations I am not comfortable in but in a way where other people can understand. That being said I do recommend coming out of your comfort zones at times, but certainly not to feel forced.

I would urge anyone who works and struggles with anxiety or panic attacks to seek some help or have a chat with someone like minded like myself. You don't have to feel trapped. Acceptance is key. 

Please, please do not suffer in silence. Help is out there and I know how hard it is.

Thanks again for reading and I would love to read any comments on hear from you on Twitter @4theblonde 

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