Physical Symptoms of anxiety

Physical Symptoms of anxiety

I have titled this post very loosely, I don't mean to say that ALL people with 'Anxiety' suffer in the same way as I do, and I also want to reassure you that I do not mean 'anxiety' in the broadest term either. I mean if you suffer from 'GAD' or a similar neuropsychiatric disorders where feelings of anxiety play a big part of your everyday life. 

Many of us find it difficult to open up about our feelings of anxiety. Understandably so, as so many people are met with negativity and ill advice. Whilst a lot is currently being done to help remove stigma from mental health issues, or "invisible illnesses" in general, I think there is still a long way to go. 

I spend a lot of time on my blog reaching out to others who are suffering, or addressing issues that have affected me. Today I want to talk about the physical aspects of my condition. These symptoms are often even harder to explain than the ones inside my head, as people don't seem to believe something like this could have physical side effects. True, they don't affect everyone, some people may experience some, none, or all! 

I find that I suffer from a great deal of muscle pain. It's aching and stiffness. Often it takes me a long time to build up to getting in the shower, as by the time I get out, I am exhausted and could fall back to sleep. It is the kind of fatigue and tiredness that you can't fight (if you've ever been pregnant, you will understand!).

A simple trip to the shop could include shaking, muscle spasms, sickness (feeling or being sick), confusion and struggles with short term memory. So a 'simple' trip to the shop, is never that. Most days it takes me hours to get outside, but on a good day I can can manage without thinking about it, yet these symptoms will always be present, they just vary in severity.

Loss of speech, is the one symptom I really really hate. When a panic attack strikes, people ask what is wrong. Naturally. Not being able to answer them, causes them to panic. The entire situation is worsened by not being able to simply indicate what is happening, what I need in order to calm down and how the people around can help.

'Lucid Dreaming' - Not physical I realise, but terrifying. So often I suffer from sleep paralysis. Imagine being certain there is someone in your bedroom, but not able to move. It's like being 'scared stiff'.

You may be wondering why I am telling you all of this? I am sharing my experiences for several reasons. If one other person reads this and feels better knowing they are not alone, great. If someone reads this who thinks mental health disorders are 'all in your head' - you are wrong...

Do you suffer from any physical symptoms? How do you cope with your anxiety when it's at it's worst?


I would love to hear from you - I am active on twitter @kimberlyblogx - and instagram kimberlymyhillx

Do you have a blog? Leave links down below :)

Assisted Dying/Suicide

My take on assisted dying

This is without a doubt, a very controversial subject. I am not here to attempt to force my opinion, or tell you that yours is wrong. I am just sharing a personal experience, and how it has helped me to form my opinion on the matter. I prefer not to use the word suicide, and my use of "assisted dying" is taken from Dignity in Dying, their website is dedicated to this cause.

http://www.dignityindying.org.uk/

I was 23 at the time, working in a care home. For privacy, I will not reveal which care home, or the name of the individual this relates to, but lets call him Joe. 

Joe* was a new resident. He was bed ridden, had a severe lung condition and needed an oxygen tank to survive. He was in a lot of pain, and we tried to welcome him and make him comfortable. 

This is quite a task, when you consider the amount of pain this gentleman is in. He cannot see very well, he cannot breathe on his own, he has bed sores from his time in hospital. Joe cannot reach to scratch an itch, or even sit up to eat and drink. Instead, he has to have his food liquidised and fed to him through a straw, because he has problems with swallowing. 

Joe cannot use his patient alarm, because he can barely see it to reach for it. Instead he shouts, and gets tired and sore. He is using the last of his energy to call out for us. 

Joe really struck a chord with me. I loved all of our residents, even the ones that hit and spit at us, throw their food and much worse at us. But Joe was completely sound of mind, which for me, made it harder.

He hated personal care, he felt embarrassed and ashamed. He had fought for our country, and now he was reduced to this. He felt such an injustice. 

Joe had a lot of tattoos, I would talk to him about them and describe mine to him, he was interested and we laughed about different things. It wouldn't last long though, as Joe would cough and lose the ability to carry on. 

One day, whilst cleaning up a large bed sore and changing Joe's oxygen tubes. He begged us. Myself and my co worker, to end his life. He pleaded with us. He wanted us to stop his oxygen supply. This meant Joe would likely pass away in his sleep. 

You could see from face that it was what he wanted. He wanted us to end his suffering. It made me emotional, I teared up. I explained to him that we were unable to do so, but that we would make things as comfortable for him as possible. He said would do whatever it took to get us out of trouble, if we agreed to do it for him. Myself and my co worker left the room. 

I felt a terrible sense of guilt. I knew that this was what Joe wanted, and I felt awful that after the life he had lived, and the things he had done, he had no say in how it ends. I knew that if he was physically able, he would take his own life. I was conflicted. I lost my friend to suicide, he was 25. Is it any different that I felt he should not have done what he did, but that Joe deserved to? Do I just think this because I see his pain, and because he is elderly? 

Joe asked us again, and he told his family his wishes. We discussed it with them and they all agreed that they knew it would be the right thing to do, if it were legal. They loved him, but they hated seeing him suffer. They hated that Joe was so very aware of his suffering and he was slowly dying. 

My time at the care home ended before Joe's did. I was informed by a friend that Joe passed away, nearly a year later. 

It was the first time I had felt relieved by hearing about a death. I felt so sad that he had gone all those months in agony, and begging anyone that would listen to help him end his life. 

I felt pleased for him that his time was up, and he finally got his wish. I hoped that it was peaceful and he felt contentment. 

Death is an amazing thing. It is the one thing in life that is 100% absolutely certain, and yet, such uncertainty surrounds it. We all know we will lose people in  life, yet it still always breaks our hearts, fills us with sorrow and mourning. 

Would it still be this way, if we had more control? We can choose the way we give birth to our children, we can choose how to live every aspect of our lives. Yet that one guarantee in life, we have no say in. (Apart from suicide, I am referring to being physically unable). 

I am sometimes still undecided, I have seen very ill people, whose family has been contacted to warn them of their relatives impending death, only to watch them make a full recovery. It's a hard one. What do you think? 

I would like to dedicate this post to Joe* - and hope that one day, we can help people like him. 

RIP Joe x 

Total review of Karma Komba

LUSH KARMA KOMBA SHAMPOO BAR

I have been wanting to try a shampoo bar for a while, a few months ago I ditched all the nasty "plastic" shampoos and opting instead for natural ingredients from Lush.

I've been reading lots of reviews about the different bars they do and found that Karma Komba seemed to be the all rounder. 

It was £5.75 and I also bought a tin from Lush to store it in. 

I tried it for the first time, about a month ago - here's what happened.

I made sure my hair was wet and rubbed the bar in a my hands a little, it seemed to "soap up" instantly so I just swiped it across my head three/four times. The lather I got was incredible and I think I could of got away with using half of what I did. It lathered and cleaned the whole of my head with the bare minimum effort. 

I always do two shampoos, habit, but I genuinely think I could of got away with one (I know a lot of people do this anyway) - I loved the smell , very fresh, clean and fragrant. 

My entire scalp felt like it was getting a good clean and my hair felt soft and nourished. 

I know I sound like a shampoo advert! But it was 100% the best and most pleasurable at home hair washing experience of my life! 

My head feels so clean! 

I really love how the bar uses so little to create so many suds, and I can already tell it will last me for ages. 

It seemed to make my conditioner work better for me and my hair combed through easily after I was done. 

This gets an absolute 10/10 from me on first impressions, hoping the results will last!! 

So that was then, and this is now. I have now been using this shampoo for just over a month. These are my results...

I no longer use conditioner, I just don't need to. My hair feels better for it, soft, strong, and very shiny. Gaining shiny hair can be tough for us blondes!

My hair has grown about half an inch, which is double the average rate, and this includes me having a trim. My scalp is in great condition, and so is my hair. 

The scent lasts in the hair, and I am just as impressed, if not more so, than I was in my first impression review. 

SO - 10/10 - best shampoo I have ever used. 

My ONLY issue, and it's minor, is storing it. It sticks to the tin and the tin itself is difficult to open when you're in the shower. If anyone has any recomendations for storing their solid shampoo, please let me know!! 

Look out for my next review, as I bought a brand new Lush shampoo bar to try out. 

'Relapsing'

Hey everyone,

It has been a while!! It has taken me a long time to sit down and write this. Perry does have to be credited as well though, because his persistent use of 'FIFA' on the playstation has lead me back here!

Picture credit Amelia Hay

So, as most of you know, I went on holiday to Greece at the beginning of June. It was the most wonderful and relaxing experience. Perry and I fell asleep on the beach and after we woke up, we strolled back to our hotel, hand in hand, in a wonderful knowing silence. I remember that I had never felt so calm and relaxed. We went into the local shop and made a purchase. On our way out, I thought 'I didn't even think about that, I just did it'. A simple thing, you might think; But, if you are like me and a sufferer of an anxiety disorder, you'll know what an achievement that was.

I felt great, but since returning home, I have hit one of the worst relapses i've had in over a year.

Now, in my defence (not suggesting at all here that excuses need to be made...!), I started my new medication. I felt pretty awful for the first couple of weeks, but I knew this was likely in the adjustment period and my doctor had warned me about this. It has now been 6 weeks since I started these tablets. I have to say, I am still not sure. I can't say it's the meds that have caused a relapse, because there is no evidence to suggest this is the case, But I certainly do not feel better.
That being said, I think these tablets have the ability to 'elevate' any mood. So, if you're feeling slightly happy, it's heightened, however this would be same if you were feeling low, fed up, stressed etc.

I have always said I would never go back to medication, and Wednesday I start my first counselling session. I am hoping that this will assist me in helping me discover my unknown triggers, combat some past demons, and get anxiety a bit more under control.

I would just like to take this opportunity to thank anyone who has sent me well wishes or tweeted me in the absence of my blog! It's so nice to be welcomed by the blogging community and know there's always someone online to chat to - day or night!!

For those struggling with anxiety or depression, you can find links on my twitter @15twentyfive,
alternatively you can call the Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 (UK) or email them on jo@samaritans.org - or you can reach out to anxiety uk, MIND or the wellbeing service. 

Good luck with your journey, and thank you for reading mine :)

Be back soon...(promise)

Blogging...what is that again?

Where have I been?

Oh My Word.

It has been nearly a MONTH since I have blogged. Whilst I had reading excuses on posts, and I am sure you do too, I am going to give them to you anyway...

I originally decided I would take a week off for my holiday abroad with Perry. We had a fantastic time in Greece (Crete). Once I got home I had lots of ideas for new posts and products I wanted to try.

The day we got back, also marked the time I started my new medication. Aimed to help with OCD and anxiety.

I had ummed and ahhed about taking them, I had sworn of the meds and wanted to deal with this myself. But as my doctor quite rightly pointed out, at a time when it was at it's worst, what else could she do?

I would go on a low - ish dose - to take the 'edge' off...I have been writing a diary of how these new meds have affected me, so I will publish that around the 1 month mark to give it a fair trial.

I have had no motivation to write, and it's been so awful lately scrolling through Twitter and seeing so many tragedies affecting our blogging community.

I am not sure where I will take my blog from here - but here's something for you to read before I get back into the full swing of things. I am hoping this will be soon!!


Thank you all so much for your patience and ongoing support.

Kimberly X

Fresh spritz!!

Fresh Scents

I'm not really one who spends a fortune on perfumes and fragrances, they are definitely the sort of thing I tend to have as gifts and never buy for myself. In all honesty, I don't even think if I had the money that I would. 

I'm terrible for being in love with a scent but getting bored of it, I don't really want to be spending a lot on that risk! 

None the less I want to share these beauties with you. They're not perfume or even EDT, just body spritz that I have really been enjoying!

The body shop spritz was a gift, so I can't comment on price, but it's absolutely gorgeous. It's suppose to help with sleep, and my lovely friend Jess got me this for my birthday last year. She's great at gifts. It's called DEEP SLEEP.

Normally, these relaxation sprays or pillow scents are mostly lavender, and I don't mind lavender, but it can get overpowering and it can sometimes give me a headache! This however, is light and fresh, with hints of orange. The fresh fragrance feels clean and does relax me. I either spray it straight on my pillow or on my dressing gown as I'm winding down for bed. 

The second spritz pictured a Ted Baker spray and it was £2.50 from Boots, I was so pleased with this purchase. I love Ted baker things, I have a few bits and pieces from their make up collection, as well as handbags and purses too! Great colours, don't you think?!

A couple of sprays really last. Another fresh clean scent and my boyfriend even commented that it was nice! 

I would say it reminds me sort of Cool Water (Davidoff) and has hints of cucumber and floral undertones. 

I really like it and it's kept in my handbag for top ups!! 

What are your fave cheap scents or body sprays?

Let me know!!

Thanks for reading, love to all of you! 

Twitter @15TwentyFive and the same for Instagram

Wellbeing Service Anxiety Combat #5

Anxiety Combat 

Never heard of the wellbeing service? It's run by the NHS and their aim is to help people with depression and/or anxiety with non medicinal treatments. https://www.readytochange.org.uk/norfolk/pages/Home.aspx < This is the link for my area, it shows on there what treatments are available near you.

I have always tried self help after a bad experience with prescription drugs a few years back. I think there are natural ways to deal with my GAD (Generalized anxiety disorder), rather than relying on mind altering tablets. 

I'm not here to say taking meds is wrong, I have taken them myself and could be persuaded again, but currently I chose not to. 

I self referred (doctor's appointments are like gold dust, right?), and went to my first taster session this week. 

The session is a large group, you just sit through an hour long presentation where the hosts describe a number of symptoms, and offer 4 types of treatment for you to choose from. 

There were three people who hosted and each took their turn to speak. I, awkwardly had a panic attack when I arrived, but calmed down when the people helped me and spoke to me. They were nice and explained everything clearly. 

I found that most of the information was not new to me, I have lived with anxiety for many years and have heard most of it before, so I think it's definitely a good session if you are recently experiencing symptoms or you haven't sought any help before.

What I did find interesting is that I think I was the youngest there, (I'm 25), I always hear so much surrounding anxiety that it's a "young person's" illness and older people "just get on with it" , not that I am pleased these people are suffering but it was refreshing to see a lot of older people there. 

I chose option one, which was a four week course to help me control stress. 

So stay tuned to see how I get on!!

Thanks for reading, remember if you ever have any feelings of harming yourself or others, or plans to take your own life, there is help and support out there - please call the Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 (uk) http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

I'm always happy to chat too! Twitter or Instagram @15TwentyFive

Edit / I have now been prescribed medication, but won't be starting it until after my course of CBT